Saturday, 25 December 2010
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Penis replacement placement photo award winner 2011
Generic Eleventh Doctor speech 324 "Yes, I'm dangerous. You don't want to make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I am the dark and troubled shadow, wandering eternity. I am the warrior of time, a one man army capable of visiting destruction on all my enemies. If you stand against me you can run, but you'll never be able to hide. You have no idea who I am or what I can do. Of course I'll spend most of my time acting like an adolescent Herman Munster on crack"
What do get if your cross...
An unheeded and dire portent of things to come (breast fetishism, smug time paradox story line, fake death as substitute for dramatic tension)
with
Annoying adolescent adventurer defending the status quo and carrying a gun as a way of proving his masculinity.
Answer
A phallus obsessed imitation of things past.
time is running out
No, I think it ran out a long time ago. Whatever happens next, it has nothing to do with Doctor Who. That series is dead and buried in an unmarked grave which the BBC urinate on just for the hell of it.
If you have a problem, and no one else can help, maybe you can hire the doctor
So now we have a soldier of fortune incarnation of the Doctor who, rather than helping others through a sense of moral purpose or principle, actually takes their lives as payment for his help..
The Doctor is never cruel or cowardly...
"Screw that" say the makers of modern Doctor Who. "We're having too much fun with murder, guns, genocide, guns, immaculate three-way conceptions, guns, immature sexual innuendo, the sonic screwdriver (now a gun), whacky goofing around, guns, messianic idolisation, guns and unbelievable motives. And that's just the one were calling a hero, wait until you see how unfathomable and pointless the rest of it gets."
Sycophantic reverie
No matter how bad or tedious or morally bankrupt the series gets you can always rely on DWM to cover it with all the honesty and objectivity of an Italian, Berlusconi owned newspaper discussing Silvio Berlusconi.
daleks to be rested as too easily defeated
Well, firstly try writing stories where they are not so easily defeated. Secondly, do not rely on them to help close nearly every series story arc. Thirdly, try not to make the most evil creature in the galaxy look like it was designed by Fisher Price.
River Song, the current NRA Ms. UK, confirms Guns & Ammo centrefold rumour.
murder as a casual hobby
After spending two episodes pretending to care for the rights of gangers The Doctor decides to execute the one imitating his best friend. The one who had no idea she was a ganger. The one who had the thoughts, feelings, aspirations, dreams and memories of a real person. The one who was innocent and as much a victim of deception as her counterpart.
what a spanner
Devolution of a Sonic Screwdriver: electronic key > Tri-corder > magic wand > weapon of mass destruction.
"finish him"
After organising a spot of genocide in the opening story The Doctor now quotes the catchphrase of ruthless dictators, cold blooded killers, war mongering tyrants and mass murderers with a disturbingly casual ease...
"Another Ood I failed to save."
Well, no. In order to fail at something you first have to try. I guess they just look too different to all those nice humans to be worth bothering about...
bbc issue press release for 'a good man goes to war'
“Amy Pond has been kidnapped and the Doctor is raising an army to rescue her as the drama continues. But as he and Rory race across galaxies, calling in long-held debts and solemnly given promises, his enemies are laying a carefully concealed trap.”
tardis: time and relative dimensions in space (part two)
As the above concept, indicating worlds of wonder and infinite imagination, seems too lucklustre for the modern series maybe it's time for a new acronym - something more in tune with the present ethos. Let us consider S.E.X.Y. Before Blue Peter launch the competition I'll peg my entry as Shit Encrusted Xyloid Yawnfest.
tardis: time and relative dimensions in space (part one)
Now nothing more than an expression of the prurient middle aged mans fantasy to own a wanton harlot like he would own a car or an i-phone.
Moffat vents his outrage at disobedient fans
"You will respect my authoritaah!"
Give it freely or they'll just take it when you watch
Series 6: featuring Fast Show like catch phrases such as "Stetsons are cool" Dialogue akin to a DVD commentary; a lead who talks about the kind of man (not alien) he is but not actually doing anything remotely dramatic or interesting; more of Winsome Song; Star Trek style time paradoxes; pointless deaths which are not really deaths (thanks to time paradoxes/making a wish) and some fanboy shite with Zygons. Probably.
Winner of the award for best Doctor Who episode of 2010 is...
Professor Layton and the Lost Future.
Moffat & Gatiss: a cultural axis of evil in their own right.
After killing off the last traces of Doctor Who from Doctor Who the two now seek to drag something else down to their own level of immature banality.
how to treat an audience with nothing but contempt
"OK Kid, this is where convoluted and illogical plot moves resolve convoluted and illogical plot moves just for their own sake; a Deus ex Machina so lacking in subtlety it would make RTD cry with shame is lazily thrown in and we offer you an ending which will take the suspension of disbelief to levels which just prove insulting to all sentient life."
Doctor comforts distraught child
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but your whole existence is just an excuse for one man to play at being a messiah to geeks"