What is this cheeky chap being so cheeky about in this weeks episode?
1) Sentiment and high emotion allow an audience, unable to feel anything beyond their own existence, to dope up on a make-believe emotional high without the danger of having to feel something for real.
2) Fate, pre-determinism, fortune telling and clairvoyant psychic ability are real. Free will, chance and the liberty to make ones own destiny are not.
3) Off screen celebrity should govern on screen characterisation.
4) Anything different from us is wrong and only harbours ill will towards us.
5) Sat-navs, mobile phones, cruise liners, swanky bashes for the social elite and other transient perks of civilisation should be fought for like they are fundamental human rights.
6) Drama should comfort, avoid confrontation and mollycoddle an audience by following the lead of every other programme made these days.
7) Women will fall in love with you, leave heartbroken, die, have to be mind wiped or get sucked into a parallel universe as a hazard of gender.
8) Forget Ecclestone and everything he achieved. Acting is a losers game when personality can distract from any actual quality, substance, meaning and anything else worthwhile.
9) Acceptance is everything. Be middle class. Schmooze. Compromise. Whatever you do, upset no one. At least, upset nobody human.
10) Drop the accent. For the love of God, drop the accent.
Makako en Konvenig
December 2009
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