Wanted: DOA (but probably grinning either way)

Lady Christina de Souza

This woman is an over-privileged, spoilt and self-absorbed member of the aristocracy. Lady de Souza believes it is her duty to steal priceless works of art from public museums because the ordinary people should not have access to art or culture.
If seen the public are warned not to approach. She is liable to irritate by grinning at the most inappropriate of moments, such as being covered in the ashes of millions of dead people.

Known associates: A man known as the Doctor who believes coasting it on personality alone constitutes a character. This man was last seen in a scam whereby he acted as an army recruitment officer thus ensuring a back hander from the body bag industry.

Makako en Konvenig
September 2009

Don't Blink!

Some fans forced into disbelief and despair by DWM: The Mighty 200


A Government health warning has been issued following the discovery of a dangerous alien disease. The lethal strain is codenamed "Moffatt" and believed to cause fungal growths in the victims brain. These spores breakdown all intellectual and critical faculties to convince otherwise sane people that cheap, cynically written, crowd pleasing, fanboy nonsense constitutes a television series. Having attacked and distorted the perception it evolves into other, more immature strains known as "Gatiss" or "Roberts" which make people believe that some juvenile guff about witches or Dickens is actually more worthwhile than Gridlock, Kinda, Love & Monsters, Survival, Boom Town, Warriors Gate, Aliens of London/World War 3, Castrovalva, Ghost Light, The Long Game, Frontios...

Makako en Konvenig
September 2009

Just another liberal, just another pyrrhic victory

In a bold move Doctor Who Magazine has recently aligned itself with the casual liberalism, Disney like moralism and self reverential philosophy of the new series. An insider told all..
"The Time Team recently criticised Ghost Light for the Doctor acting cruelly towards his companion. The magazine took the view that the Doctor can only be kind, just like the wonderful Mr. Tennant, and any un-Tennant like behaviour cannot be tolerated. Drama should not become muddied by complicated things like characterisation or a realistic idea that personal growth can be painful. For instance in the new series David would have grinned and muttered some stuff about how great humans are. A complicated, mature story which deals with the idea that humans have to evolve and overcome personal flaws to become better is no longer what Doctor Who is about. Why should we accept that many social and personal benefits are the results of hard fought battles and uncomfortable truths when we can just lazily assert we are fantastic and have no need of change. All in all Doctor Who can only work when the Doctor is being terribly nice and middle class and concerned with being as charming and inoffensive as David." At this point the insider simply sighed and whispered "what a guy..."

Makako en Konvenig
September 2009

Stop me if you think you've heard this one before...

Following concerns about change the BBC has given full powers to the Doctor Who production team to take any measure to avoid it. Although the clone of David Tennant may have slightly different hair Steven Moffatt is compensating by offering the same old contrived character interests and school boy sci-fi plots as before. The move is believed to help with the perceived inability of an audience to cope or deal with something different, new or innovative.

Makako en Konvenig
September 2009